My name is Amia, I am 14
years old, and I am the reason my sister left.
I woke up to the yelling
and screaming of my parents. I ran to the kitchen and found my mother sobbing
in one of our kitchen chairs, and my father rubbing her back, trying to calm
her down. Where was Lea? How could she sleep through all of that yelling? Her
room was closer to the stairs than mine!
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
I was so confused and still half asleep.
“Sh-She’s gone.” my mom
barely got out before she started crying again.
“Who? Who’s gone mom?” I
questioned, still extremely confused.
“Lea.” My father
answered. “She isn’t here.” I could’ve sworn my heart stopped. I was now WIDE
awake, and living a real-life nightmare. Flashbacks from last night ran through
my mind. Lea barging into my room, The two of us fighting, Me telling her to
leave, and Lea storming out.
“Oh no.” I whispered.
“Do you know where she
is?” My father asked.
“No, But. I think it’s
my fault she’s gone.” I responded. My mother instantly stopped crying and
glared at me.
“Does this have anything
to do with the yelling I heard coming from your room last night?” she growled.
I was too afraid to respond so instead I nodded my head. “Spill, all of it.
What happened last night?” I explained everything. Word by word all starting
with when Lea walked into my room, to the second she left slamming her door
shut. I had thought she just went back to her room.
“I didn’t mean it mom. I
didn’t want her to leave, she just wouldn’t leave me alone! I’m sorry.” I cried
out after I had finished.
“Well you probably
shouldn’t have said Get Lost, and Just Leave!.” She shot back.
That’s where our conversation ended. Both mom and dad didn’t talk to me at all
for the rest of the day. They called in to the police and left around noon to
put up posters and ask around. When they came home that night they didn’t say
anything, and went straight to bed. I waited about an hour before I went to bed
myself, and when I walked up the stairs I could hear my parents whisper-yells
coming from their closed door. Although I couldn’t make out what they were
saying, I knew that they were fighting and it had something to do with me.
My parents have been
fighting ever since Lea ran away. She was always the favorite, and now their
baby girl has run away leaving them with the other one. I haven’t been
sleeping well, because every time I fall asleep I wake up to her voice. She
isn’t there but my mind is playing tricks on me and driving me insane. That
annoying voice that used to give me headaches daily, is now the only voice I
want to hear. My parents aren’t helping either. Mom cries throughout the day,
and since the day she ran away, when my dad gets home both of them watch home
videos they made of her. Neither of them acknowledge me, other than the
frequent “This is all your fault.” and glare. I get it, it is my fault and the
guilt inside is eating me up, but you telling me this every day is making it
even worse.
I couldn’t take it
anymore. I didn’t know where she was but I was going to at least show how much
I cared. I left home and walked to the edge of town where the woods are. It was
about a five minute walk because of how close we live. There is a spot where my
parents would take our Easter pictures each year. It was a stone bench in a
small clearing with trees all around, and if you went at just the right time
the sun would shine directly on the bench. I continued walking until I came to
the bench and I just looked at it. I pictured two little girls running around
together and laughing. One was about five with a light pink dress on, and the
other girl was about 3 and her dress was blue and purple. They looked so happy.
I just couldn’t take it anymore, I let it all out, dropping to my knees in
front of the bench while crying my eyes out. This was all my fault. Words
couldn’t describe how horrible I felt. I got back up and spent a good two hours
looking for Lea in the woods. Then it got dark, and the brisk autumn air was
now starting to get colder as the sun was going down. When I got back to my
house, my mom was crying again; this time she stopped the second I walked in
the door.
“Where were you?” She
yelled with a panicked look slowly turning to one of anger.
“I-I was looking for
Lea.” I stuttered, slightly scared by the sudden outburst my mother was
displaying.
“We thought you had left
us like she did!” my mom yelled slowly getting quieter, until the last word was
a whisper. She began to cry again, and embraced me in a hug. It felt so good to
know that she still cared at least a little. So there we stood in each others
arms just crying. That night I was able to sleep, and almost forgot that Lea
was missing when I woke up the next morning. Almost.
Everyday the cops call
and tell us the same news. I wish that they would just stop calling us. I wish
that instead of getting our hopes up just to be let down every time the phone
rings, that they would only call if they found her. And that’s exactly what
they did. The calls came fewer and fewer until Thursday night. The phone rang
and the caller ID was the police station. It continued to ring, but I just
stood there. I couldn’t make myself pick up the phone, I was frozen. My mother
barreled past me and quickly answered it. Although I couldn’t hear what the
person on the other line was saying, I could tell by watching my mom.
“Hello?” She asked
shakily when she answered the phone.She then continued with a couple mhm’s, and
yes sirs. This continued for a couple minutes, but then I watched as her face
crumpled and her eyes welled up. The next thing I know, the phone is on the
ground and my mother is running to the living room to go talk to my dad. Again,
I found myself frozen, not knowing whether I was welcome in the living the room
or not, and I couldn’t get any information from the police officer, because
from where I stood I could hear the buzzing that indicated the call had been
ended from the other line. I slowly walked into the living room. My dad was
hugging my mom in the middle of the room.
“What’s the news?” I
asked with my voice barely above a whisper.
“It was a car.” My mom’s
muffled voice responded. They were looking at their phone when it happened. The
moment the words left her lips my knees gave out and I was on the floor. No,
this couldn’t be true. I couldn’t think straight, and the room was spinning. I
was crying so hard that my throat hurt. I just didn’t know what to do. I was
then embraced by both my mom and dad. They were trying to calm me down. When I
was finally able to take my volume down about 20 notches, we got in the car and
drove to the police station. We were aloud to see her body, but I couldn’t make
myself do it. I wanted to remember her how I know her, not what she looked like
now. Instead of following my parents to go see her, I trailed after the police
officer to go see her things. That is when my heart shattered even more. In the
bag that she had with her was a picture. Not just any picture though, the
picture of the two of us sitting on the bench laughing on Easter morning. She
was wearing her blue and purple dress, and I was wearing my pink one. I broke
down again, full-out balling on the ground. I couldn’t stop, this was just too
much for me. How could I do this to her? Why did this happen to my baby sister.
Everything in me was aching. That should’ve been me, not her.
My name is Amia, and I
am the reason my sister is dead.